Memories of 2018

And you're  the miasma within my blood.
Every bad thought incarnate.
Every ounce of venom i have starts with you.
Your arrogance  and your way with words.
How my mind was spun as if i  was on drugs.
How I believed even for a second that you could be anything more.
But I allowed it.
So I can't  really complain now can I?
I will spit you out.
I don't  hate you,no.
I should care to do that.
I can't  even recall the last time I thought of everything you've  done to me and you.
But the alcohol is plenty  in my veins, and my speech is weak.
Be well for I have left you out.
I'm  happy  now even though I'm  complaining from time to time.
This too shall pass and your memory shall fall to limbo.

Trial by fire

Fight for a place.
Fight for a place in my life don't  demand it.
I don't  mean to scare you for you know that I would let you in.
But I grew tired of waiting, of hoping.
It doesn't  work that way and I know it, somehow i still cling onto  hope.
I'm  summer and you're  winter.
You're  sober and I can't  feel my limbs.
You are safe asleep and I party until I pass out.
So why damn it why do I still see you when I close my eyes.
Why do I hope that someway somehow we'll  meet again?
What a sick and twisted game.

-thoughts of a past life.