Carnival

I'm  not walking away. Not yet at least.
My world is burning and I stand still.
I'm  afloat somewhere between the state of sleep and consciousness.
I get by with my small victories.
I'm  afraid of those around me of how mad they will be that I still wait.
Of what will happend if by any chance I get to decide where I stand.
I'm  comfortable  here, not knowing how or why.
My chest feels lighter as the days go on but my feelings linger still.
Like a slow burning fire they fuel me.
I wish there was someone or something to blame so that my anger wouldn't  flare up.
I'm  not angry with him but with myself because I never saw it coming.
It's  late once again and my thoughts are all over the place.
At least I'm  not ashamed anymore and I know that I try.