Late nights with clear head

His hand felt warm against mine.
My fingers tremble as i trace the shape of his jaw.
Every curve every edge perfectly placed.
He's  like a well written poem, every line right where  it's  supposed to be.
I don't  want the sun to rise so I can stay a bit longer, to cherish what I have.
His eyes a complicated mess, they speak with deafening  silence.
They convey what we are afraid to admit.
I long for the next nightfall that will find us together.
Legs intertwined, eyes bloodshot and hearts full of yearning.

  He occupies a very strange place in my mind.
The place where memories lie when i surrender myself to sleep.
His hands are familiar against my skin, rough and soft at the same time.
I don't  know where this road leads but I'm  going to take his path.
After so many years my heart still yearns for him. I was merely  a teen then, a grown woman now.
I will fight even If I lose in the end.
I shall be his solace, quiet when his mind  runs 1000mph.
I will cherish every inch of his skin even if he never decides to be mine. For in my mind he is.
The boy I used to know now a man, standing tall and strong but gentle at night.

The boy who became king

Feast on my soul more than my body.
Make sparks fly in my mind.
Let your eyes tell the biggest truths and let your yearning hands travel on me.
Speak to me.
Let your mind forget the pain, you're  alone no longer.
I've  waited so long to hold you again. Always on the outside looking in.
It was not our time then, will it be now?
Does your body thirst for mine? Does your soul feel the electricity?
Don't  leave this time. 

And with that the summer boy began to walk away.
Like sand between my fingers i watched  him as he disappeared.
I could only watch how it all went, afraid to move and unable to speak.
My hands would have never been enough for him, how his smile radiated warmth like the sun.
I watched him as he turned cold and denied me what I needed.
He turned indifferent  and pretended i was nothing.
With that I knew my summer was over, as I had predicted he was not gentle to my heart.
At least my walls are still half standing, i won't  have to do much work to be comfortable again.
I just have questions.
Summer boy why did you do that? Why did you build me up just to see me fall? You could have been honest and you would still have gotten what you wanted so why the rest?
Why test a broken heart to see how many whips it can take?

Note to self.

The way his skin feels against mine is electrifying, how he gazes into my eyes as if I actually  matter.
His lips feel like cool water on a hot summer day.
He makes my heart feel light and my limbs numb.
It's  all so easy when he's  around me.
How his hands fit around my waist and how I don't  shy away from his touch.
Summer has a magic way of making everything seem simple, I hope winter will be gentle to my heart.

Let me be.

We're all monsters in human form.
Creatures of the night wearing skin.
Our eyes see nothing but the surface;our souls rotten to the core.
Carnivores with no sense of emotion, animalistic and savage like our roots.
This world is a scary place for the last few still standing by what they truly believe in.


I sit in silence, it's  the only way solace finds me. I stand still and focus on the beat of my heart; how my lungs inflate with every breath and how I exhale the smoke of what kills me.


It's  the only choice I have left.
To just be, with no expectations.
I fear the demons that come at night, the ones looking to devour me whole.
I conceal  who I am for the sake of being safe, guarded behind my own walls of disbelief.
I fear what tomorrow brings. I fear that my last moment will be anytime and anywhere.
I lie low, lower than the shadows.
They won't  see me there, neither will you.
Don't  try to shed light, the waters are murky and deep, danger is everywhere.


Let me be.

Wiser?

And I won't let myself fall again.
I won't look for more where there is none.
Come as it may, that's how I'll move from now on.
It pains me because I was never like this, but my heart still aches.
It reeks of betrayal and lies.
I'll always be who I am, a lover a giver, I won't show it though.
I'll grit my teeth and feel in silence as all wise men do.