Νot again.

Strange night tonight, it howls with loneliness  and disbelief.
My soul is questioning again. Things that should only be clear are now obscured.
My eyes want to see but people keep shoving  mud into them.
Why are they so afraid of what I might find?
Why can't  they be honest?
Trust is so hard to come by and it shatters easier than crystal.
You might say "they didn't  earn it" and to that I will look at you with a smirk on my face and tell you that I like to think the best of people just to give them the potential to grow around me. I don't  want them to see someone with second thoughts I just need them to be them.
And i expect them to be truthful exactly as I am right here right now.
And yet again it's  just another night that finds me clutching  at my pillows wishing i didn't  have to cry myself to sleep, another night with short breaths and waves of paranoid jealousy crushing my chest.
I'll  let none of it show. I'm  not that person anymore. Not the kind of energy I want to return into the universe.

I hope for a better morning with a clear head and light shoulders, a morning where I get to kiss someone who hasn't  lied or tried to deceive me.