promise

Beauty is in my broken little pieces. In the way I  fall apart each night and yet manage to reassemble myself by the first ray of dawn.
I'm a mess, a collectible clutter of ill fiting pieces with high hopes of being whole in the future.
But that day will probably never come, for I'm not a diamond in the rough.
I was glass thought to be bulletproof but that was not the case.
I tried flame and ice to forge me anew and nothing happened, heaven's barred and hell won't have me.
So stay away, away from the mess I call life and you might be free of my curse.
But if you decide against my advice then promise not to complain about my sharp edges.

Him.

You were everything I wasn't.
You were alive and loud and I was growing old and quiet.
We had to part and once more become the strangers we were before our paths crossed.
My love I will miss you but I know you won't.
So here's to you my eternal longing my unending what if.

Thirst

And I poured my soul into him, I bled myself dry.
But he was a bottomless well, always wanting more to fill but never giving enough the quench my thirst.

My dear hatred.

She breathed in, no sound all around but her drumming heart. It had been a while since she felt so dead inside. The thing that kept her going was the hummingbird in her chest trying to set itself free. The voices were louder and sent shivers down her spine but she couldn't look, she didn't want to be more exact, the nightmares were closing in and she was paralyzed. By the time she was able to move her lungs ached and all the day was gone but she still felt like shit. That sick feeling had been around for years never changing  but for some reason it now became stronger with each passing second. She looked in the mirror not recognizing who she was anymore, an empty shell , the eyes staring back at her were not a part she remembered. They were no longer soft filled with the will to live another day, they were black holes of despair and agony. The "perfect" life she made everyone believe she had was eating her alive, killing her slowly but not visibly. She wanted to weep but when you can't remember what you miss it's ironic to be sad about it right? So how could she mourn a self so forgotten, buried so deep down she could barely even recall it? She knew something was not right but she couldn't recall the times when it had not been like this.

"Happy" she said, that's what everyone expected her to be. But the word itself sounded bizarre, she could smile and feel the elation but then it was gone with a crash. A loud fucking crash that made her head spin and her stomach churn. She was never lonely, she had people all around but she was always alone, Alone in the prison of her mind forever bound. Lies came easy they almost felt like the truth by now, it's better to not burden others with whatever is eating you alive. "Just look on ahead and lie" it filled her with a spark of hope that she could go on like this. <> the voices thundered-she cringed- she hated when they would speak to her. She already knew she was weak, the "I'm a special snowflake and I deserve a prince because I'm strong" thing was a joke by now. "Nothing unique here" she mumbled to herself and turned her back to the mirror. 

The room was dark and it felt like home. So she lied down pretending she would fall asleep only to peer into the darkness that claimed her mind.

Ouch?

And he'll break you so gently, you won't even realize what he's done.

Prisoner

I'll always be a prisoner of my mind, it's a horrid place there yes it is. Each corner hides another terror ,another mistake, another trap to make me peer into the dark abyss; The dark abyss that was once created by unrequited longing, by falling off of clouds and by believing in others too much... But what can i do? There is no escaping my mind.